When I say “funny money”, what do you think of? The first thing I believe most people would say is that the term funny money refers to counterfeit money, you know the kind you see in those old TCM classic films about the mobsters in the 1930’s and 40’s and how they would steal or counterfeit bucks that they then used for just about anything they wanted. Except for one big thing and that’s paying for a get out of jail free card. Jail is if course where they all eventually wound up, at least they do in the movies!
Most of us will never come into contact with bogus money and even if we did, would we ever notice it? Probably not because the methods of making it have improved over the years and besides who of us actually carries any cash around these days as the use of cash has become less and less every year. Fake money therefore has become pretty undetectable in the 21st century.
Funny Money May Be Hard to Find But the “Funny” About Money Isn’t
I was thinking about this today. The subject of money is mostly a very serious matter and one that is written about in volumes every day, but it is also frequently mentioned as part of the punchline in a joke. That joke can absolutely make you grin or chuckle so much when you hear it, and it might just be because what is being mocked illustrates our overwhelming obsession with and about it. So I thought just for fun, I’d try and put together some of the funniest lines ever spoken about our money. So here is a compilation of funny, quick, short one liner jokes and sayings all about money.
Not all of them have a deep meaning, but some say significantly more than others about ourselves and our thoughts. In any event, this collection is simply intended to bring a smile to your face or brighten up your day, so here we go!
A Few Funny Lines About Money and You
What’s another name for a failed long term investment?
It’s called a failed short term investment!
How many times have you heard about a “sure-fired can’t-miss big idea” that just never panned out! You can probably start packing your bag and heading for home when you hear someone yelling, “just wait a little bit longer” in the background. But, when you see the others pack up their suitcases and heading for home, you should take that as the cue and proof that you have made a mistake and bail!
Any study of the market usually reveals that the best time to buy anything was…yesterday!
When you actually hear about a great deal, it may mean that those who knew first hit it big and you may have just missed it by the time you found out about it! It seems like a game of chance and when you spin that wheel you just never really know what will happen! That’s a pretty good reason to gain more knowledge before you laugh your way to a financial disaster!
An investor asks his financial advisor: “Is all my money really gone?”
“No, of course not”, say the financial advisor. “It’s just now living with somebody else!”
Yup, there is just so much of what we call money and it’s really all about adding and subtracting amounts back and forth from the ledgers. Most of us are subtracting more than we are adding and that results in those disturbing words that you often hear from the financial advisor—and oh yes, often a good deal of it lives with the financial advisor himself! He almost never loses a penny.
The tax collector says: “We’ve got what it takes to take what you’ve got!”
Seriously, if half the battle is how to make some extra money the other half is how to keep it! Is there anything more depressing then finally getting some investment to pay off or some kind of bonus earned and then seeing it go bye-bye to the tax collector? That’s the reason you probably need advice to make this work for your life and not just for the IRS!
Invest in inflation, it’s the only thing guaranteed to go up!
It is and you actually can’t. Those are the rules and they suck.
I have enough money to last me the rest of my life…unless of course I want to buy things!
This speaks to the question, “How much money does one really need?”. Wants versus needs. Things like downsizing or the money you’ll have to have for retirement, etc. The questions are endless. Some of us spend lots of our time pondering the answers and some of us simply coast through life “wishin’ and hopin’” for a good outcome.
What leads most people into debt?
Trying to catch up with the people who are already there.
Meet the Joneses and you will quickly understand what this is all about. First, you probably will never really know anyone else finances, and then again why do you really care? Your situation is determined by your actions and doing what you think others have done probably won’t work for you—even if it has worked for them. But here’s the thing: you may never know until you see the moving van pull up in their driveway and the yard sale is completed.
“Dad, how much does it cost to get married?”
“I really don’t know the answer to that, I’m still paying for your mom’s and mine!”
The average couple spends over $33,000 on a wedding according to The Knot’s 2017 wedding survey. By the way, that cost does not include the honeymoon costs. The 11th annual leading wedding industry report, the most trusted and comprehensive of its kind, surveyed nearly 13,000 US brides and grooms married in 2017 to uncover the financial spending habits and trends of real weddings in America.
Even though the average in 2017 was $33,391, for high spenders the average is $105,130 spent on their wedding day. While we all would like it to be a beautiful memorable day, there isn’t anything funny about starting a new marriage off with huge debt. That’s what the case is for far too many.
Some Really Funny Guys and Gals Have Said It Best
Here’s a few chuckles from some of the most well known voices. The subject is of course about money and our lives. These may make you actually crack a smile and if it does, it may ease some of the painful truth that is just below the skin. Please enjoy!
“Money is like a sixth sense – and you can’t make use of the other five without it.” – William Somerset Maugham
“Money, if it does not bring you happiness, it will at least help you be miserable in comfort.” – Helen Gurley Brown
“Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.” – Woody Allen
“Money is not the most important thing in the world. Love is. Fortunately, I love money.” – Jackie Mason
“It doesn’t matter if you’re black or white…the only color that really matters is the green.” – Family Guy
“Money is something you have to have just in case you don’t die.” – Max Asnas
“The safest way to double your money is to fold it over and put it in your pocket.” – Kin Hubbard
“A bank is a place that will lend you money if you can prove that you don’t need it.” – Bob Hope
“Dogs have no money. Isn’t that amazing? They’re broke their entire lives. But they get through. You know why dogs have no money? No pockets.” – Jerry Seinfeld
“If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of car payments.” – Earl Wilson
“If inflation continues to soar, you’re going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.” – George Gobel
“What’s the use of happiness? It can’t buy you money.” – Henny Youngman
“Somebody stole all my wife’s credit cards, but I’m not reporting it. The thief spends less than my wife did.” – Henny Youngman
“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough not to quit.” — George Carlin
“It’s amazing how fast the “pay later” comes when you “buy now!”” — Milton Berle
Can you ever smile even when you face money issues? If you plan for the worst and hope for the best you just may be able to give it a try. When you deal with money, something that you can control and not the other way around, you will be far more successful and may actually laugh all the way to the bank in the process! Good luck!